Today, my first diary entry here in this exciting new site. Today I went to Gainesville and worked on my site (this here) and then got cracking on the first freelance job I’ve had as an artist in a very very long time. It feels good, nay, GREAT, to be back where I once belonged. The work is going well and I am finding that I draw with more ease and confidence than ever before, something about surviving cancer in South Korea, nearly drowning in Thailand, and truly finding myself and my soul has changed me, and in so many unpredictable ways.
There is still so much stress and anxiety, mostly about money, always about money, even my anxieties about my car come down to money. People who say money can’t buy happiness have not been paying attention.
Yet for all the edge-of-collapse of my finances (or flat-out collapse by most sensible standards) I have never been happier nor more certain that I am finally headed in the right direction. Have faith, Justine, just have faith, Lakshmi will provide, and Lord Krishna was right… I must remain true to my nature… then again, de Sade said the same thing.
And as grateful as I am to Bruce and Kathryn for getting me out of Ohio, every time I have to leave Gainesville and go hack to Ocala I feel a terrible dread. I HATE it. I hate going back to Ocala. My heart and future lie in Gainesville. I know where home really is. And when I am separated from home (in Ocala) I am frustrated, restless, and sad. I live to go to Gainesville (and SAW) to draw, teach, live, and be happy. I live to go to Gainesville and seem only to live when I am there. The rest of the time I wait.
Now, tired, in Ocala, I wait.