Sometimes Scared

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Sometimes I get scared. Especially when people fill my head with fears I had forgotten. It happened today, fear, fed to me from a woman who imagined herself to be well-meaning.

I get scared when I think about the risks, the bloodclots, the strokes, the cancer. But what choice do I have?

I haven’t any. Of course I could go back to the way things were. But is that a choice? Is that an option?

I could go to a doctor and make changes, but I have what I have now and I have NO insurance and no money, so I will make due, will take what I have and quietly crawl away. Yes, poverty is lethal. With cash and insurance I would see a doctor, would make the changes I need to make. But, of course, as the Republicans have made so obvious, some of us simply do not deserve healthcare. We are lazy, failures, and we deserve to be ill and die. It is so simple for them. So simple. Yes, if I were worthy, I would make the changes. But of course, even at that, some things are not covered or are considered nonessential.

Yes, Fox; Yes, Tea Party, I am unessential, undeserving.

I would like to make the changes, be safer.

But I can’t, so I lose a few nights sleep, shake it off, and forget about it.

Until another well-meaning person comes along and stirs it all up again.

But I know the risks.

And I have no choices.

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