These are punchlines for stories I’ve already told but forgot to include when I told them, or jokes that I could be wearing out elsewhere:

“Green Emerald Curry Spam.” Spam jokes are cheap, but I was trying to come up with the types of Spams that were in the Spam gift sets we were given for Christmas by the school I worked for in South Korea, and I thought this combination was funny in its absurdity even if Spam jokes are passe. I told this story at the Conch the other night about the Spam gift set (and no matter how weird it is, always assume that if I’m telling a story about South Korea that I did NOT make it up). And other Spams were going to be: Spam infused olive oil, after dinner Spams, and perhaps Buffalo Spam or jerk Spam.

Another beat I regrettably missed at the Conch, actually the freaking punchline to the story of how much I hated Korean food was that while I was living in Korea I was actually called into the office and bitched out for not eating Korean food at lunch with everyone else. I told them they’d hired me to teach, not to eat Korean food.

“Is there a VitaminC.com for when you catch a virtual flu from someone on social media?” The last line in a recent Facebook exchange… I had more material here, but chose to stop before people got tired of it.