I’ve been looking over my recent blog posts and art, and noticing a pattern. Whether it’s “Why Justine Is So Scared” (my web-comic) or my rants in my blog… it’s about not being bullied.
When I was a kid I was bullied a lot. It was dreadful. Not merely bullied, but sexually assaulted. OK, now none of this is intended to induce sympathy, what it is intended to do is set the stage.
As an adult, one of the my biggest regrets is that I didn’t stand up for myself. Now… I stand up for myself. Whether it’s a guy groping me in a bar or a restaurant kicking me out, I won’t simply cower, I will stand up for myself whenever possible. It’s about stopping the cycle of feeling helpless. See what I meant about this not being a plea for sympathy… it’s an expression of personal growth and power.
Naturally, I’m quite loose and happy, but when I’m being bullied, I tighten up and become angry.
Look over my work, there is more than one page in “Why Justine Is So Scared” that shows me fighting back, whether it was the assistant manager at Wendy’s treating me in a degrading way because I’m trans (I called management and complained to his managers and the general manager… he will not be trying to degrade me again), or the Top trying to force me to change my behavior and force me to wear shoes… I won’t be bullied.
Ultimately this is where this comes from. I refuse to be that helpless child again. I can write in my blog, I can draw images to tell my story, I can call and file complaints, or I can fight back when I’m being molested by some jackass in a music club… or whatever it takes to say “NO” to being bullied.
It’s not a pleasure to fight back, but it’s much less of a pleasure to take it. Now, if only someone had told me that when I was a little girl.